We humans have this need to help those we care about. But it's rare that we ever achieve anything. We're incapable of fully understanding how someone feels because, even if we go through the exact same thing, we will react differently to it than they will, for the sheer reason that every human being is completely and entirely different.
It makes many of us feel completely and utterly useless, too. We feel like we're being unhelpful, like the person that needs us has relied on us and that we're being of no help whatsoever despite them having spoken to you.
We like to think we're complex beings, too. But really we all think and feel the same in every situation, despite not feeling the same at all. We're a combination of simplisticness and complications, that all of us end up feeling so lost in our own emotions that we have no idea how to get out of them. Nevermind other peoples feelings, and our feelings towards other people.
I think in a way, we all generally just want to feel happy. We want to overcome to stupid things that affect us and be able to say 'Hey! I'm past it all!'
But in all honesty?
I think we're all going to forever feel pain in some way. And we can't help our friends, no matter how much we'd like to. It's depressing and it's sickening, but no matter how many talks you have with them, or how much medication or how much professional advice they get, they have to overcome it themselves somehow.
We might be social beings, but somehow we all work as singular entities of our own. And when something comes up, we must face it on our own. Willingly or not, we all have to be independent about a lot of stuff. Even though it might hurt us.
I guess that's just life. But y'know what? Life sucks.
I hate being unable to help. And that's another thing. When we try to help? Every human being, no matter who you are, will become somehow selfish or self centred. We all say I far too much, and we all make things about ourselves, no matter how hard we try not to. We want to relate, we want to show we understand. But when we're in switched positions, we don't want to be related to. We just want to be listened to. Sometimes we don't know what we want, but it annoys us when the other person starts going 'I know, I did this, I understand, yes I've been through the same when this happened to me so I totally get it'. We don't want to hear about them. No matter how selfish that might seem, also.
And there I go again. We're all selfish. We're all selfish, independent beings. We suck, as a species. We're given too many emotions and abilities at once to be able to handle. We're advanced, complex, yet because we can't understand each other, we're all very simplistic and confused.
I'm babbling, I'm sorry. I become a tad philosophical sometimes. I guess I just wish that I could help people without being selfish. But there aren't really any good deeds that aren't selfish. When we feel good about something we've done, it makes it almost selfish. We've done it to feel better about ourselves; to tell ourselves that we're better people than we actually are. No one really is that great a person, are they?
I also have this wish that I could fully understand the human mind. But we all seem to be incapable of understanding.... I'm starting to repeat myself. So I'll leave it at that. Just something I felt like getting off my chest.
Thanks for reading. x
Listening to: Yoko Kanno -Hounds